New year, new baby, new resolutions?

I was reading a blog post this morning about New Year's resolutions, essentially the mom decided that the only one she could manage was to drink more wine...I think she may be selling herself a little short but I am aware that I still am pregnant and my life still can pretty much revolve around what I want to do and less around baby K. (In fairness her kids were toddlers, so really she's probably right).

Either way this got me thinking about what I would like to accomplish this year, here are some of my musings.

1. Put the health, safety and development of our baby, selves and marriage first. At the end of the day if Mike, Baby K and I are happy and healthy and thriving we are golden. I realise that for a time we will be so tired and baby K will be so little that her needs will trump ours, we may not be able to pour into our marriage as much as we would like. In those times I pray that we are gentle with ourselves and each other, and just love each other through it. I like to think that we have pretty realistic expectations of the next year, we know it's going to be amazing and joyous and the hardest time of our lives sometimes but it will be worth it, and we will make it through stronger and more connected than ever before.

2. I would like to read at some point in the next year, Ideally the 12 books that my book club picks (I have already ready January's selection). I know this may not be possible but it's a goal, and I have read 47 books in 2014 so it's a very gentle goal I believe.

3. I want and need to be gentle with myself about how my body looks after this little bean comes out. Pregnancy is crazy and you grow so much in order to support your baby and I can't expect that weight to fall right off after. I also can't expect that I will have the time or energy to work out as much as I did before the wedding, and that's okay. My main focus will be keeping this babe happy and thriving, and if I happen to have time for a workout sometimes then that is amazing, if not, that's life and I will try again later. I also hope and pray that those around me are sensitive to this as well and don't make comments about my weight after this baby comes out (or before). I am not talking Mike, so don't think for a second that he wont be supportive loving through this, he will likely be the one telling me to pace myself and relax about the weight, also he seems to like when I am a little rounder and rejoiced the return of my booty in pregnancy (mental note to self, may have gotten to little before the wedding, hubs missed the bum, don't do that again). But anyone else, just don't do it, it's not your place to comment on anyones weight, especially after they have created a human.

4, Drink a ton of water, I hope to breast feed and my body will need this.

5. Go to the Zoo at least twice a month when the weather warms up, ideally I would like to go weekly like I did with Nana when I was little but I figure twice a month is a good goal. Mike and I decided to buy a membership with a guest pass with some Christmas money so I am determined to use it lots if we can.

6. I would love to see family as much as possible this year, this may mean learning to pull the trailer without Mike so I can go camping in Brooks with the parentals (really I am sure I can do it, or my dad can). We have a trip to Sask planned in July and I am hoping to get another something in sometime this year as well, perhaps a jaunt to Montana for fruity pebbles....or camping with Mike's side of the family. I also hope to make it into Calgary at least once a week so baby K can hang out with her Nana and Aunty. Hopefully people will come and visit us in Langdon too (it's 20 minutes from Calgary people...).

7. Still see my friends, although this is not only my responsibility, it's a joint one and I don't know that I will have the energy or ability to make sure this happens all the time, however I know that the ones who are meant to be here will, they will make the effort and I will jump in when I am able to and do the same.

8. Mike and I joined a small group through our church, I am hopeful that we can make it to most of those meetings and to church regularly. I am really excited that we have found such an amazing church family, that is young with lots of babes coming this year! This mean baby K will be able to grow up with a large and supportive church family, and we will as well. This means so much to me and I feel blessed to be a part of the neighborhood. I hope and pray that we can be good spiritual role models for our little ones :)

That's a more extensive list than I originally thought, I am sure I will come up with more as the day's, weeks, months and year progresses. I am so curious to see what this time next year looks like.

What are your resolutions or goals for 2015?
<3 Kass

35 weeks ramblings....

Merry Christmas and (almost) happy New Years! I hope you all had a lovely holiday, ours has been lovely so far, Mike has been home since the 23rd and has been working like a mad man on the basement. He wants to get framing done before babe comes as it's LOUD, and it really is, I agree with him, I have read a lot because it's to loud for T.V!

So far babe is looking amazing still, she sure is getting big! I can feel her in my whole belly now, and my lungs, pelvis, lower back...She has sleep and wake cycles and some days she is busier than others which I find so cute :)

Her little feet are usually on the right side of my belly, and if I lay my arms on my tummy she kicks me...this happens so often that it almost feels bruised from the inside...which is fun, but not as much fun as when she drops and wiggles her head in my pelvis and I get shooting pains in my groin and legs...Sigh. Despite all the pain and uncomfortableness I must say pregnancy is pretty cool, it's amazing to think that I am growing a tiny human inside me, and that in a little over a month we will be able to kiss and hold and cuddle and touch her. I don't think there is anything more powerful than this journey. It's amazing. I am definitely getting slower and more uncomfortable however, stairs are horrible, as is bending over, chores etc. I am still able to do a lot but I need to listen to my tired body and take a lot of breaks. I was even able to shave my legs today, take that almost 9 months pregnant body!!!

Today I decided that I was only going to get bigger so I took down the tree and Christmas decorations, Mike was a little shocked as normally they are up until February (My husband is a patient and loving man). I figured I could leave them up until after babe comes but with my luck we will get a terrible sleeper and I will be to drained to take them down until the summer. :)

I almost feel like my tummy isn't getting that much bigger, but I know when I go to work on Friday the girls there will be able to see the growth...but to me it's just so gradual and I am still semi-comfortable (give it time, I know).

I am still working on the curtains for the nursery, but once those are done and up I will be able to post some pictures of it. I really love how it has turned out, it's a beautiful, calm and pretty space and I loved dreaming it up and creating it with Mike :)

Vent time: At 35 weeks a baby is not full term, so telling a mama that she has "dropped" and will have the baby anytime will likely get you "dropped to the ground" (unless you are the person who actually has said this to me..who has been only gently scolded as she's cute and excited and I love her). The thought of this little one coming "any time" makes me panic, she's not ready. I know she would be fine, but her immune system and lungs and fat growth isn't yet complete so she needs to stay put and cook for at least 3-4 more weeks. So no-one say this to me please, it's not nice. And everyone else pray that she comes out when she is good and ready in 3-4 weeks...no sooner please baby K.

Hope y'all are good :)

<3 Kass

Ps: I have been informed that the groin pains and leg cramps are called "Lightening crotch" which sounds kind of snazzy and cool, except they hurt like H E double hockey sticks. So to all my peeps, if I gasp, and start side lunging while whimpering in pain it's okay, I just have some lightening crotch and will hopefully be okay shortly. Damn cute (but mean) baby and her head dipping into my pelvis. Lucky I love her so much already.

28 weeks aka, third trimester, aka almost there...

Can you believe we have 12 weeks left until our babes expected due date...12 weeks...that's insane. On one hand it seems like a long time, but really it's only 3 months, or 46 work days left (yay for time off at Christmas) or 10 weekends left...so it's not a lot of time at all.

The nursery is almost done, I need to just decide on a glider/ottoman combo and print and hang pictures (well Mike will hang the pictures because he's so good at it), make the mobile, and make curtains and the baby quilt....sigh, so it's like 50% done...will post pictures as soon as we are satisfied with it. 

Overall I am still feeling pretty good, I get little bursts of energy followed by activity and then I need to rest, my body just isn't capable of the go go go anymore; which is fine and understandable and necessary. Here is my list of annoying pregnancy things so far....it will be small as it's really not that bad for me yet. 

1. I am starting to get a bit of heartburn, it's not fun at all but it's not even everyday so this is a 1/2 complaint. 
2. Baby K has decided it's super fun to be all up in my ribs...when she is pressing it feels gross and weird, when she kicks I may occasionally swear, it hurts so bad! I figure it's my parents fault for being so short and thus making me so short..Its going to get so much worse too I know. 
3. Speaking of being short...there is no where for this little bug to go, so my belly is already taking over my lungs; I find I get short of breath faster lately so I need to be careful when working out and doing chores that I don't overdo it. 
4. Speaking of working out and doing chores...my workouts now consist of walking...slowly at an incline on the treadmill and then some weights, so not bad...I still miss lifting anything heavier than a 15 pound dumbbell though. Also, did you know that when cleaning the floors in our house one needs to take 2-3 breaks (our house isn't even that big)...Ya, me neither, but I did. To be fair I brought up two vacuums from downstairs (carpet and tile people!) vacuumed and wiped down the couches, vacuumed the carpet including the stairs and then did the rest of the floors..Mike gets to mop, I am over floors. I have decided to be smart and leave the vacuums upstairs in the closet so it's not so bad next time. 
5. My back and hips are starting to get pissy, back when I stand or sit to long, hips in the morning (I do have a pregnancy pillow that I love but I think I kick it out from between my legs when sleeping). I am hoping it's just an ongoing discomfort and doesn't get to bad...

Things that are still pretty cool about pregnancy. 

1. Feeling her move! She has started to kick my finger if she is awake and I poke my belly, so fun! 
2. Mike feeling her move, he thinks it's pretty cool.
3. I am still sleeping alright (yes I am knocking on wood). 
4. Eating is still good, I can't eat as much though which is a great thing ;). 
5. I can almost bend over..kind of...it's hard and I get out of breath though. 
6. I still feel so good after a workout; baby grooves after too. 
7. Mike talking about how excited he is to meet her, he's going to be an amazing daddy and I am pretty stoked that I get to raise her with him :) 
8. Monthly massages!!! So excited for Monday! 

I am sure there are more but I am sleepy right now! Will post nursery pics asap and maybe even a belly one. 

<3 Kass

Time is flying....Eek

Looking at calendars is starting to stress me out a little bit (a lot)! I know I have a long time to go, after all we are only just entering our 23rd week...however, when you look at how many weeks are left (I haven't counted, I would likely cry) and factor in what needs to get done, it's daunting. It's not the home stuff that's stressful, it's work. I want to do the very best for the families I serve and get them as far in the adoption process as I can before I am off. It makes me so sad that I won't be able to attend some of their adoption hearings... I know I will be cuddling my real live baby when they happen but it still shocks me when we are talking about next steps and I have to catch myself and say that the hearing will likely be after I am gone... I know that this bit will get easier the closer we get to the due date, and I will probably be exhausted and beyond ready to be off work long before January 29th comes...but right now it's scary and sad and overwhelming and I feel like I don't have enough work hours to work on what I want to get done! 

It's also daunting to look at the calendar and not know when babe will come, I mean, will she come early and knock my preggo butt out of work before the end of January? January is a three paycheck month and I REALLY want that last cheque...but will I be able to earn it...the not knowing is a little stressful for me, I am a planner and love budgeting and really want to have all credit cards paid off before this babe comes AND have a set amount of money in the bank. For now I am focused on the money in the bank and figure if I need to carry some credit debt into mat leave that's not the end of the world, I can make the minimum payment easily. It would not be ideal but I need to be okay with this in case it happens. I figure all this unknown is preparing me for life with an infant, I won't have control over anything and the best laid plans will likely fail...so here I am getting okay with that! 

As I type little bean is bouncing around in my belly, super active, which is so cool and unusual for this time of day, must be the apple juice :) 

Am I the only one who goes through this? I can't be....

<3 Kass

22 weeks! Musings and belly pic

Hey! So I am 22 weeks along this week and this belly is getting HUGE according to me, Mike still thinks it's little. I remind him that he doesn't have to roll over at night with it or try to bend straight down to touch his feet...cause when I do I CAN FEEL IT! It's kind of crazy, in a cool and creepy way, feels like a ball, that if I smoosh it it will pop, I can also feel her grooving around in there, which is amazing and odd...in an amazing way? :) 

We went to the South Calgary Health Campus for our first meeting with my OBGYN, (Dr. Zacharias) She is lovely, as is the hospital, and the staff..I feel like this will be a great experience. At the South Calgary Hospital (SCHC from now on) they even have a team of dietitians, OT's, psych, social work etc ON STAFF that we can meet with throughout the pregnancy (and after). I noted that I would like to chat with a dietitian (really I want to ask about tea, and if runny eggs are really that bad, cause I want runny eggs with toast...BAD). I expected to wait forever to hear from anyone, the lady called me a week later, and we booked a meeting already!!! I'm impressed and Mike was too!

I have kept up with my working out, have been twice this week actually, my legs hurt but it feels so good to move again. I usually end up biking (upright, I can't recombant bike anymore) and then doing some strength training. It takes about 45 minutes and I am tired and calling it quits, so less than normal but it feels good. Baby K is super active after, I think she likes when I move around and jiggle her...silly baby, just like her mama, loves to work out! 

Overall I am still feeling great, SUPER tired but I think that's cause I ran out of B vitamins...mental note to buy more...other than that I am liking the second trimester a lot! I am almost done refinishing the crib, and will go pick out paint soon too, carpet is being installed after thanksgiving and then we can decorate the nursery and move everything in. Mike will love this because there is baby stuff in the basement right now, and he wants to finish the basement asap. (in all fairness the dresser is huge and heavy, but the rest could be moved around his finishing work...but that's a pain). 

Here is a belly pic! I just love how pregnant I am looking, not just chubby thank you very much! Also, my arm muscles are coming back and legs too a little bit!! Hallelujah! I am getting over the shock of how much thicker I have gotten since getting pregnant, but I am delighted that I am working out again because I like being fit! 

Hope y'all are doing well! 
<3 Kass

19 week and GENDER REVEAL!!!!

Let me start by saying our little girl is a lady, she sure is modest and had us thinking that she wasn't going to show us her genitals for most of the ultrasound. She had her little legs tucked under her bum the whole time... even after I went to the bathroom!! Then all of a sudden she moved suddenly and our tec snapped a picture, said that it looked like a labia and she was going to say girl!! Mike and I were skeptical for sure, cause it was so quick and to our untrained eye looked like it could also be a tiny penis..

We headed to my Aunt's work to tell her and she wasn't anymore convinced than we were... then I started googling, I googled 18 week ultrasound boy, and went through the pictures, it became very clear that tiny penis's are obviously a penis, they are out there with authority! There were also other pictures of little girls that looked the same as the shot that we had!

I feel like the tec is likely right, I am hoping she is because it would be amazing to have a little girl! Now I need to start designing the nursery, I feel like I am starting from scratch with my planning...I kinda want to make it a super delicious girly space....like epically girly, we will see what Mike lets me get away with :) 

                         Here is how I told my family members who were able to come over... 

 Really I just wanted black forest cake, so I decided to color the whipped cream from the middle, cute and effective :) 

So we are pretty excited, Mike has always wanted a little girl so he is pretty stoked! 

Also...this week my uterus feels HUGE, like a huge ball in my belly, its very shocking. I also can feel baby girl move more, its pretty cool, she was kicking me before the ultrasound :) 

<3 Kass

17 Weeks!

Hey all! 

So this week baby K is the size of a turnip/onion or the palm of your hand! I told Mike this and he feels that this means the baby is huge! I would have to agree with him because my baby belly popped for sure this week; there is no denying it at all anymore :). Overall I feel pretty good, still super tired, sleeping okay, not sick at all really. The most significant change that has happened this week would be my appetite I think, this baby is SO hungry, I am waking up at 5 am starving even if I have a healthy snack (cottage cheese, sausage and cheese, fruit/veggies or something like that) before bed! The only challenge with this is I have to take my Thyroid med on an empty stomach, I am not  willing to mess around and take it on a half empty stomach so I have been taking it at 5 am when I wake up with a big glass of water and then having a snack thirty minutes later (unless I fall back asleep). 

I think my biggest craving has been running...seriously, all I think about is going for a brisk jog on the treadmill. I decided to try it yesterday and was pleased with myself. As soon as I got pregnant it was like the baby stole my cardio, I would get out of breath walking or getting dressed, everything was hard. I expected the same thing to happen yesterday...it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought! I walked for 5 minutes at 3 mph, then jogged at 4.5 mph for a minute (could have gone longer but I don't want to push it to much to soon) and then walked for two minutes, ran for one etc. All in all my workout was only 22 minutes (the length of a Corner Gas episode), however I am proud that my body is able to run again, it felt so good. I am sore today, mostly in my lower back and my feet but I am hoping to jog tomorrow as well if I can...I am working late so that may block it. 

I also think I will start going back to my gym, I haven't been able to go as they don't have air conditioning and I am physically unable to handle heat anymore (literally takes my breath away), but since it's cooler I may start heading there over the lunch hour again, this I am hoping will increase my energy again because currently by 2-3 I need a nap/coffee to stay awake..its always coffee that I reach for too :) So hopefully next week will bring more jogging and workouts at my beloved gym! I am pretty excited and daydreaming about it already...

Hope y'all are doing amazing! 

Also, I may have felt baby move yesterday....still not 100% sure but there was something going on and it wasn't gas or needing to use the bathroom related; So that's beyond exciting! 

<3 Kass

What pregnancy does to me...so far

So lets move in a more positive direction from the last post. I do need to say that I am super lucky with this pregnancy so far, I am not sick, really at all since I started taking my prenatal at night. I sleep well, thyroid is now back to normal so weight gain is gradual, overall the only "crappy" symptom is that I am tired...but that's not even that bad because its only after work and it forces me to slow down. It would be nice if my gym had air conditioning so I could work out at lunch, but meh, I am not to upset about being too tired to work out after work either.

What pregnancy makes me want to do is read...a lot, like Mike is starting to tease me about it. Here is what I have read lately;

1. City of Bones, Cassandra Clare May 2nd
2. Women, Food and God, Geneen Roth May 17
3. You having a baby May 19
4. Belly Laughs, Jenny McCarthy, May 21
5. Revealed, P.C Cast, May 25
6. A thousand farewells, Nahlah Ayed, June 3
7. The fault in our stars, John Green, June 7
8. The girlfriends guide to pregnancy, Vicki Lovine, June 20
9. The book thief, Markus Zusak, June 29
10. The Zahir, Paulo Coelho, July 7
11. Someday Someday Maybe, Lauren Graham, July 24
12. The Art of racing in the rain, Garth Stein, July 28
13. Half Broke Horses, Jeanette Walls, Aug 1
14. The house I loved Tatiana de Rosnay, Aug 4
15. The maze runner, James Dashner, Aug 8
16. The scorch trials, James Dashner, Aug 9
17. The death cure, James Dashner, Aug 10

A little insane hey...Mikes essentially single because all I want to do is read, I think its because I realize that I soon will not have time...so I am powerhousing books like crazy. 

OH at the same time I am reading a book for work AND a crap load of pregnancy books...so feel sorry for Mike. 

What are you all reading? 

<3 Kass

The last secret post :)

Written July 8^th 2014, 11 weeks and 1 day pregnant.

So I suck at keeping this updated apparently, so let’s do a quick update.

I was put on thyroid medication and my thyroid levels have stabilized! However it had time to affect my weight gain and I have gained about double what they tell you to during your first trimester. I am trying to be okay with this and just try to eat really well and exercise a little too.

There are two hard things about gaining weight, first is me. I worked so hard the last two years and was down around 25 pounds, into my “little clothes” and I was super proud of my body…seeing the weight go back on is so hard, and especially when it went on so fast. I think women are brainwashed to fear the weight gain, so no matter how much we tell ourselves that the baby needs us to be a little squishy its still a mental challenge.

Second thing that’s hard…people who are thoughtless and hateful. I have gained 10 pounds in the last 2-3 months, I get it, I am short and it’s obvious. However some people are really mean in what they say to pregnant women. I will make you a list of things you should not say to a woman who is expecting…all of these gems have been said to me recently.

1.       You won’t be able to hide your pregnancy much longer. DON’T SAY THIS UNLESS SOMEONE TOLD YOU THEY WERE PREGNANT!!!! Actually don’t say it at all.

2.       Are you sure there is just one in there… I mean really?! Is this comment freaking necessary?

3.       Hopefully you don’t gain weight at the same rate for the rest of your pregnancy. Hopefully I don’t loose my ability to be politically correct tell where to go and how to get there…

Its hard enough dealing with my own mental crap about gaining weight without uninvited opinions from the peanut gallery…so do the world a favor, don’t say stupid mean things to women period…never comment on weight gain; and once you know they are pregnant and they are showing you need to say nice things like “you look lovely”, “how amazing that you are growing a human inside of you” instead of commenting on how large they are getting, cause eventually we as a society need to recognize how amazing women are DESPITE how small, big, curvy whatever they are, period.

And to make everything worth it, I found babe’s heart beat on the Doppler today…best sound ever!! Mike was so cute and re-listened to the recording a couple of times…AMAZING!

Update

Thanks to synthroid my thyroid is back where it needs to be, and the weight gain has stabilized…I haven’t lost any, but I am not trying to either. Its steady now and my doc isn’t concerned so I am dealing. It helps that the belly LOOKS like it has a baby in it, as opposed to looking fat..

Also, all the pregnancy people base what you should aim to gain during pregnancy based on your BMI, a tool that even my doctor says is outdated and a piece of crapola due to it not taking into account muscle mass (I have a lot of muscle naturally). If I do my BMI on my pre-wedding weight it considered me overweight…I give the BMI a middle finger to that comment (stupid jerk), as I don’t feel like I was overweight at all, a little cushy but mostly muscle. SO I think the pregnancy fairy’s need to update the recommended gain and BMI stuff to reflect real women, or simply say, “eat healthy and try not to gain 100 pounds” instead of making women feel like a giant failure if they have gained half of their recommended weight gain in the first trimester due to an underactive thyroid. Sigh.

I promise the next post will be less grumpy…maybe, who knows.

<3 Kass

Another secret blog post- Little bit of an overshare so beware.

Written June 4^th 2014, 6 weeks 2 days pregnant.

In my last post I mentioned some terrifying things during pregnancy, the worst so far is bleeding…I had a little bleeding on Monday and went to urgent care to make sure everything was okay. I am so glad I did; apparently my O negative blood type was not compatible with the baby and I needed a needle, I also possibly have a bladder infection (will find out tomorrow). The doctor sent me for a emergency ultrasound to make sure everything was okay (even though he said my cervix was closed and my womb felt like it should he wanted to make sure the baby was where it needed to be. Thankfully we were able to get in that night and Mike was able to come.

I have never needed to pee so bad, I didn't even drink the full liter! I would have wet myself if I did, however it was a good distraction for how nervous I felt, so that’s handy. I am happy to report that babe is great! With a heart rate of 103 bpm, it was measuring at 6 weeks J Such a relief, AND we got to see the heart beat and get pictures…which we used to tell my mom and dad, and brother and sister in law about the baby! So exciting J

*Update* I know the talk of bleeding during the first trimester may be an overshare, but if I hadn't had my girls to talk me through it I would have lost my mind...it was so scary. I noticed that some things made it worse (Walking the color me rad race, peppermint oil) and once I cut those out it stopped. I eventually needed to come to the following conclusion to reduce my stress level about the spotting and move forward. 

1. Miscarriages typically are due to something being wrong, a genetic abnormality, illness etc. Short of using drugs and alcohol and overusing coffee/getting in an accident/assaulted there was little I could do to bring on a miscarriage. That's not to say I couldn't do things that increased spotting (heavy exercise, peppermint oils etc). AND some spotting is normal, if its bright red, filling pads, has clots or "stuff" in it or if your nervous its best to go to the doctor but a little spotting for me was normal and nothing to get my panties in a twist about. 
2. If I was going to miscarry there isnt a thing I could do about it. That doesn't mean that I didn't put myself on a few hours of bed rest if I had scary spotting, but that was to force myself to relax, pray and give my spotting time to change color so I could breathe again. 

Thankfully this part of my pregnancy seems to be over, I haven't had a spot for weeks. Mental note for the next time I am preggo, I will brace myself for grossness and pray its just the normal and okay kind I experienced this time. 

I also promise my next post will be less gross and bodily fluid-ey. But, to all my girls who have this during their pregnancy, I feel you, its scary as H.E double hockey sticks. And to the husbands/partners etc whose preggo love is having this happen, I know its scary for you as well, Mike was super supportive during this time and even came to a doctors appointment with me so he could hear the doctors take on the spotting so he could use the same words to reassure me if it happened again...and he did. 

<3 Kass

Secret blog post number 3

Written May 30^th 2014, 5 weeks and one day pregnant!

pretty much every little thing is terrifying when pregnant..

This week my scary moment came after going to the doctor for my first checkup and being called a couple days later to be told that my thyroid levels are high, 4.6 TSH to be exact. Now, my doctor is “not concerned” and wanted to wait until right before my next checkup to re-do the blood work (June 25^th), I have booked another appointment to understand why she is not concerned for next week. She told her medical admin that they just changed the guidelines, and while I am considered outside of normal now, last year I would have been considered normal…my question next week is why did they change the guidelines? And what is the risk to the baby for treating the problem so that my levels will be back to normal? I am going to advocate for treatment, as far as I can determine there is no risk to the baby to treat, and a risk that an underactive thyroid can affect babes brain development! Maybe I am being too careful, but it’s my babies brain, so this mama is in full advocacy mode!

That’s really all I have for scariness right now, we will see how the doctor’s appointment goes and if she decides to treat or re-test my blood etc. 

<3 Kass

Secret blog post number 2

Written May 22^nd 2014 (4 weeks one day pregnant).

Yesterday was 4 weeks apparently, try explaining that to your confused and tired husband when we have not even been married for 4 weeks. It went something like this:

 Me:    “honey we are 4 weeks pregnant today, lets watch the video”.

 Mike:    “We haven’t even been married for 4 weeks, that’s not right”
 Me:    “yes it is, they start counting from the first day of my last period, it says so in all my books”
 Mike:    “I don’t believe it, tell me what the doctor says”

As he rolls over, in fairness this conversation happened at 5 am I believe, so he was justified in being tired and grumpy.

So far pregnancy is pretty good, my boobs are killing me and I am hungry all the time, but not nauseous so that’s lucky.Eating is the hard part, or at least knowing what to eat. I want a tuna fish sandwich today. Here are the concerns about this meal. Tuna, I can’t have it often because of the mercury, so this will be a treat. I put Mayo in the tuna usually, however had to research if this was safe due to egg whites in the mayo. What I have determined is that store bought is stable and therefore safe, home made is a no no. So I will eat my sandwich today!

I am so excited to be able to post these secret blogs, waiting to tell people is killing me…I am curious to see how book club goes Friday, some of the girls have asked if we are pregnant and I ignored the questions (over facebook, sorry Crystal). I am trying to keep it a secret for Mike but I have already told him how weak I am about it and that the girls might smile and question it out of me Friday (in all fairness they are my girls, and I love them so much and they feel like family honestly, so I figure its fine as long as they keep hush hush). Update; they were so good, and didn't even try to question it out of me, however I am sure at least some of them know...

There is a chance Mike want to tell more people sooner, like my parents (if we see them, which we don’t a lot in the spring/summer, and his parents and brothers…we will see, not sure how it will all play out.

<3 Kass

Holy crap we are having a baby!

Written May 19^th 2014 (3 weeks and 5 days pregnant apparently)

I am still having a hard time believing it, I am pregnant. We literally started trying May 2^nd 2014, after book club, I may have been tipsy. I was shocked that Mike wanted to try so soon, I have always said I would respect his wishes for awhile if he wanted to wait, he then respected mine and we got to trying. Trying for a baby is F.U.N, like really fun, and so different, it has an amazing loving purpose. I was using my “Glow” app and it tells you when you are fertile, so we took full advantage of our fertility. 

Right away I noticed a few things, my hair is stupidly soft, like my cat Lucy’s fur, amazingly soft, and its not falling out as much. I also got nauseous cleaning the bathroom, which never happens AND dumping out wine (also something that never happens). I told my friend Kristi about these things and said I must want a baby so bad that I am subconsciously creating symptoms…I couldn't have them already! Kristi said hormones were hormones, and to tell her when I took a test. 

So I waited, and then started worrying that when I took a test and it was negative I would be so sad, and then I decided to start taking tests way before my period when I knew it would be negative to desensitize myself to the lack of a second line. So I did, Thursday it was negative, Friday morning I took another….brought it to Mike and asked if I was crazy, he saw the lines too so we decided to test again tomorrow, same thing Saturday, so Sunday we decided to use the drugstore test (our friends gave us bulk tests that they bought online that we had used before). I peed on the stick, and after three minutes it had an x on it, I brought it to Mike and he just smiled, I praised him for being so efficient and asked if he was surprised. Mike noted that he always had faith in his sperm (Men). Then we went back to sleep, cause this was at 5 am (Little Gizmo is an early riser, much to mommies dismay). I laid in bed in joyous shock, infertility has always been a fear of mine, like cold sweats kind of fear, so for it to happen so fast felt to me like God saying “relax daughter, I have this”. I was so grateful that I am type A by nature and tend to over plan everything. This mean that the second we had “trying sex” not a drop of alcohol entered my system, caffeine was limited, pain killers were not taken (I now take Tylenol for bad headaches that may turn into migraines), pre-natal’s and omegas were taken and I tried to eat healthy (and failed mostly, damn wedding candy bar leftovers).

I am trying not to be too crazy, but am honestly worried that if I jog I will bounce Gizmo right out, Kristi and my pregnancy books tell me I am wrong so I jogged. I have told a few friends, just so they can keep me on track and make sure I don’t loose my mind.

Mike really wants to wait to tell the majority of people, I agree, if something happens I don’t want to have to re-tell people. However I am a horrible liar, a friend asked today if I was pregnant and I got a huge grin and tried to look away, I am hopeless. Mike thinks I should just say that we are “trying to have a baby” which is true except one is already growing, but we may need to practice cause I still feel that’s a lie. I am hoping not many people ask, I don’t want to make Mike crazy.

Dear Gizmo, I am so in love with you already. I find myself touching my belly and praying for you many times a day! I pray that you stay with me, that you keep growing and developing and that I get to meet you in January/February next year. Your daddy is pretty smitten too, he’s planning to put extra insulation above your room and lay carpet in your room so you will be nice and warm! Love you little one.

<3 Mommy. 

I am so tired all the time :)

I like being creative, crafty, efficient. I always thought that I would have an adorable idea to announce my pregnancy... Has anyone told you that babies steal your brain? They do, and your energy and efficiency. I am not one to rest however, so I think the exhaustion is a good thing, it makes me relax and focus on growing a human, which is way more important than checking off the items on my list.

I am told that it will get better soon, energy wise at least, here is hoping. Otherwise this little bean will have a fully store bought nursery and crib set, maybe just a knitted blanket. This seems sad to me since I have delighted in creating baby items for everyone else's little one... Perhaps I will have more spunk and creativity when we know if we are having a boy or a girl. Here is hoping!

So we are expectant parents, in the second trimester and we had the ultrasound last week (how amazing is that?!) babe is due late January 2015 and we are beyond excited! Also shocked that it happened so fast, feeling pretty blessed these days for sure :)

I have been creating blog posts occasionally since we found out, so I will post those soon so y'all can hear my random ramblings about baby and pregnancy.

YAY!

<3 Kass and baby "Taco" as Mike lovingly refers to it...

Crafting for baby Tigg!

I know I always say "This is my favorite quilt that I have made", but I fully mean it this time! My amazing brother and his lovely girlfriend (who is practically another sister since she grew up with my sister) are expecting their first babe in the next month or so; Clearly that meant I needed to make another quilt, and this was the finished product!

So cute right! I LOVE LOVE LOVE it! Its actually a simple design, but the fabric is darling! 

Not I am making tiny hats for three tiny precious babes that our lovely friends recently welcomed into the world...so behind...knitting like crazy...my "tiny" hats would still be way to big so I am not feeling super bad...yet. 

Yay for babies! 

Oh, and an update on my spending, I have been pretty good, bought a few things at dollar stores but just what I needed (night light, batteries, hat) and have not gone into any kitchy stores, I have purchased books and some buy sell items but I am doing pretty well with not spending all my spending money right after payday...going to call it a win :) 

<3 Kass

Book review; Women Food and God by Geneen Roth

This wonderful books is our book club selection this month. I was excited to start reading it, cause really, I am a woman who loves food and God, so...total fit :) I must admit that I do struggle to get through these kinds of books (probably doesn't help that I am reading every pregnancy and conception etc book I can get my obsessed little hands on just IN CASE we are preggo). At times I would drift off, but I have cut back on caffeine, again, just in case.

I loved the message of this book, and not just towards eating. It talks a lot about our inner voice and the negative things it says (if you could hear what mine said while looking through wedding pictures you would likely smack me). And just really acknowledging what it is saying, realising that it has no control over your present life, which then takes it's power away and lets you move forward and be present in your life instead of being stuck in the past. When you are present you can pay attention to why you are eating again when you aren't hungry, or shopping, or doing something else. You can question what you are trying to ignore, painful feelings, your past etc and then take steps to acknowledge and address those feelings. These feelings and the desire to numb them are really why we over (anything really). Interesting stuff.

What are y'all reading?
<3 Kass

In preparation for things to come!

Wow I have not blogged in what feels like (and really was) forever! Mike and I were married a few weeks ago and married life is just blissful! I think its so different than just living together, there is a security in knowing I am his and he is mine, period forever. I just love it. 

First comes marriage and then comes...hopefully babies, which leads me to thinking about setting some goals so that we can eventually have a mat leave that is not at all plagued with stress about money. Mike would like us each to save up $5000 before babe comes, and its totally doable, but I need to stop shopping, like yesterday. I am so bad, I drive all over the city for work and end up early to meetings (I am pathologically early, except apparently on our wedding day, when I was late (5 minutes, but it made me crazy). Because I am early I go to shops and look around and buy cute things...daily, its pretty silly. 

I have made a goal for next week, my goal is to spend as little money as possible, I have already approved a tank of gas, and ONE lunch out with my friend E, that's it...I will pack all other snacks/lunches/drinks. I will bring a book/knitting to work on if I am early to meetings, I will go to the gym rather than shopping. I. Will. Not. Shop! Next week should be easy as we have a ton of groceries, we may need milk and maybe some cat food and that's okay but just what we need will be purchased (Mike should really do the picking up of little things...I end up grocery shopping like a boss and filling our fridge). 

I feel that putting this out in the universe to all my friends in family is a great way to keep my tiny little spending machine behind accountable, feel free to call me on it if you see me shopping, seriously I'm not joking :) 

Do you guys have any goals that you would like to work on? 

I am reading the book "Women food and God" for book club, it just occurred to me that where others eat I think I shop and justify it by saying its at dollarramma and on the buysell and thrift shops and is "such a good deal". In some cases I am totally right, but I know money stresses out Mike, and to honor my husband I am going to try to kick this little habit ! (at least cut it in half...)

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

Can y'all see Mike dancing with joy in the corner? He will LOVE this new goal I think :) 

<3 Kass