Life doesn't always go according to plan...but that's what makes it amazing.

I am a planner by nature, like and over planner. I had lists of things to do before Eadie came into the world, budgets that depended on me working this month, blankets to knit, birth method yoga to practice and many other things that I wanted to get done. In steps my daughter...

Monday the 5th I was at work all day, super uncomfortable and tired but I was there. I was joking with my co-workers that I would need a doctors note soon as life was hard and uncomfortable and I really just wanted to evict myself from work, however I didn't want the baby to come yet as she wasn't full term. 

That night I went to bed early (never happens) my husband stayed up late as the next day was his day off, he was going to detail his car and pack everything for the hospital the next day. Mike came to bed around 1 am, and at 3 am I felt what I am positive was a little baby punch and a little liquid. I shot out of bed faster than one would think possible, felt another punch and more liquid and was in the bathroom right away (thank God for mattress pads, although I didn't get any fluid in the bed, just on the floor). I said "Mike I don't think that was pee" and he was at the bathroom door in a flash. We just kind of sat there looking at each other stunned, mentioned how it was so early and that I probably just peed myself and then rationally made the decision to get moving and go to the hospital to get checked just in case. We ran around the house gathering everything we could, cord blood kit, my partially packed hospital bag, stuffing things into the baby's bag, Mike grabbed the car seat and some things for him while I fed the animals and gave my cat her insulin. We were in the car driving to Calgary in about 15 minutes. Monday night we had a blizzard, the roads were completely snow covered and no one had driven on them yet, no plows, nothing..so we called Mikes mom and talked to her on the way to the hospital so some one would know where we were if we got in a wreck. During the drive I started having contractions and they were gaining in force and frequency quite fast. Once we arrived at the South Health Campus we went to the triage desk and I was hooked up to a fetal monitor and contraction monitor, they tested my fluid to see if it was amniotic fluid, it was, they started the penicillin because I was positive for the strep test that they had done on New Years. 

My contractions at this point were 2-3 minutes apart and lasting around 40-60 seconds each, they were all in my lower back and hurt way more than I had even imagined. I wasn't able to stand or sit, really the only position that was remotely tolerable was on my side griping the hospital bed like my life depended on it and trying to breathe.  Finally we were taken to our labour, delivery and recovery room and I was checked (6 cm dilated at around 7 am) given laughing gas, which I hated, I wouldn't even take more that 3 breathes of it. I was trying so hard to breathe through the contractions and was able to settle a little bit between them however they kept getting stronger and stronger. I have always said that I am not a martyr and if I needed meds I would take them, Mike supported me in this 100% and said if I needed meds there would be no resistance from him. We decided to try the Fentenol first, I wanted to go at it with the least medication in my system as I was worried about Eadie being affected. I was given the fentenol and asked Mike in slurred words after a contraction how long the meds took to kick in. I was told they were in and I told the nurse that "this shit doesn't work" and asked for the epidural (it literally took none of the pain away). During this time we also were told that Eadie was facing up, apparently pushing babies out that are face up is a long and hard ordeal, especially for a first time mama, but I was told that the doctor would try to flip her around for me once I had the epidural. 

The anesthesiologist was very thorough, he took what felt like a thousand years to review my chart and explain the risks of the medication. By the time he was done I had begun involuntarily pushing...weirdest things ever, I had zero control over my body and no matter how hard I tried couldn't stop myself (it was to early to push as my contractions were to far apart despite my being 10 cm's dilated when they checked me again). When I heard that I was 10 cm's dilated I was a little devastated as I thought they wouldn't give me the epidural, however my amazing nurse and the anesthesiologist decided that they would based on Eadie's presentation, my involuntary pushing and the fact that this was my first delivery. I was so relieved and grateful when the epidural was in and working. The nurse said that I needed to contract for a while longer and not push as the contractions were still to far apart and short and pushing would not be effective. We also decided to do small amounts of Oxy to pick them up a little bit (1 mg at first and only increased by 1 mg at a time). It was really neat to feel my body after the epidural. I had always thought that it would numb you and worried that I wouldn't know what was happening but that's not at all what happened. I was not in pain per say, I was still uncomfortable and was able to feel the pressure of the contractions but it made this bearable. It also took away the involuntary pushing and I was able to rest and really just enjoy the labour. I know you may think it is weird that I use the word enjoy, but I really did, I liked feeling the contractions and how they were changing, I could feel Eadie moving lower and between the contractions Mike and I snoozed or chatted with our lovely nurses, chatted with family and really just relaxed, it was lovely.  

At some point the doctor came in to check me out and tried to turn Eadie, she was able to mostly flip her which I thought was encouraging (it wasn't, little monkey flipped back around, she wanted to come out looking up!). 

After about an hour or two of contractions I was beginning to feel the pressure in my bum (I had the whole time though) but also in my vagina, (in addition to lower abs and lower back) I mentioned this to the nurse and said I thought that we may be close to pushing soon. She checked and said that we were and could start pushing now as Eadie had moved low enough. I started pushing on my back for a few pushes and then flipped to my right side and later my left side. It seemed like I was making more progress on my left so I stayed there for the majority of the pushing. Apparently I am an efficient pusher (It's just like pooping, I'm super good at pooping) and the nurse said I was making good progress. After one push I felt something move down there and asked what happened. The nurse said "Oh she moved back up a bit"  my response to this was "hell no, that's not allowed" and I made a point not to release all the tension after each push so she couldn't move up as much as normal. The doctor used mineral oil to massage me during the pushing, and I highly recommend this to anyone delivering vaginally, I only had one stitch! Eventually after an hour and 18 minutes of pushing little Eadie was born! They had a NICU team in the room as she was pre-term however she came out red, alert and screaming so they didn't even need to check her! 

There is no feeling more amazing than the moment that little head is delivered, it's such a relief and the delivery of the shoulders and body is a piece of cake, it was wonderful and so satisfying. Even better than that was hearing Eadie's cries right away after delivery, they put this screaming and wiggly little human on my belly and I was able to cuddle her and look at her and watch her root around and suck her thumb and it was amazing. Mike and I just looked at each other in awe of who we had created, it was incredible. 

So that is my labour and delivery story, I am so happy with how everything went, I felt supported and well taken care of by the staff at the hospital, I was comfortable with all the medication decisions that we made and I truly believe that if I hadn't received the Epidural I would have needed a section. I was also happy to see that Eadie wasn't all dopey and drugged after delivery, she was able to feed right away and did such a good job! And now I get to cuddle my baby all the time and she is the most amazing little person in the world! I am sure I will blog more in the coming days now that her milk coma's are lasting a little longer since my milk came in :) I have lots of friends who are currently pregnant and I hope and pray that they experience the same sense of satisfaction and pride from their deliveries, it's not easy but it's amazing and so worth it and in the end you have this amazing baby to love and raise. 

<3 Kass

Awe she is smiling (trying to poop) Seriously, I can't even handle the cute.

Nursery reveal!

I AM FINALLY DONE THE NURSERY!!! I am so excited, and pretty delighted with how it turned out :) Here are some pictures that I took so y'all can see it to! I am sure Mike is glad it's done, he's done a lot of hanging pictures and curtains and helping me paint and remove tile etc :) Such a good Daddy already :)

 I love the curtains and I feel like they break up the purple in the room, which is lovely but was a lot. 

 Note the baby doll in the crib, it's so we can get the pups used to us holding a baby that cries, they are doing great with it! Charlie lays down and looks sad and Tasha sits there looking confused! 

 Blanket ladder, I am sure Mike will fix it to the wall once baby K starts moving, my Grandma made the red noah quilt and the yellow crochet blanket, I love them :) 

 Her name will go above the cross once we agree on a spelling, we may be getting closer :) 

 Our mobile! Really, Christmas ornaments painted the colours I wanted and hung on a mobile thing that Mike and I made, super easy and I just love it! 

 Our forward facing book shelves (apparently they encourage babes to read, which I love) They are ready for books :) 

 My little end table with Babes first Bible, Aunt Jackies apple and the duck from Grandma :) She's spoiled already! 

 Our little trolly, Mike loves this item when he saw it in a friends nursery, I have loved it forever but didn't think he would love the $60 price tag...apparently he didn't mind it at all :) 

 I was able to refinish one of Mike's old dressers (that I hated and have wanted to refinish for ever) I am really happy with how it turned out, and if we have a boy we will just change out the knobs! Mental note, we need to attach the change pad to the dresser :) 

 Our lovely nursing chair with the bunny from Grandpa K :) I love it, so comfy and Tasha loves sitting behind it, Charlie sits right where she is, I have a feeling they will be attached to this baby. 

 The crib quilt, once we decide on a spelling of the name I will applique it to the bit in the middle that looks empty; I am pleased with how it turned out. 

 Our refinished crib and the quilt. My friend Kristi gave us the crib, but I wanted a grey one so we refinished it with Benjamin More Natura paint and a food grade sealant on top, I figure that was the safest route as babes eat cribs :) Also, I made the crib skirt, super easy, measure, cut, finish the ends and literally tack it to the base of the crib.

So there it is, I love it, it's my favourite room in the house and feels calm and lovely. So excited to show the baby, although Mike points out that she would be happy anywhere as long as she has me and my boobs for the first bit :) 

OH I forgot a picture of the Chandelier light...next blog post ;) 

<3 Kass

New year, new baby, new resolutions?

I was reading a blog post this morning about New Year's resolutions, essentially the mom decided that the only one she could manage was to drink more wine...I think she may be selling herself a little short but I am aware that I still am pregnant and my life still can pretty much revolve around what I want to do and less around baby K. (In fairness her kids were toddlers, so really she's probably right).

Either way this got me thinking about what I would like to accomplish this year, here are some of my musings.

1. Put the health, safety and development of our baby, selves and marriage first. At the end of the day if Mike, Baby K and I are happy and healthy and thriving we are golden. I realise that for a time we will be so tired and baby K will be so little that her needs will trump ours, we may not be able to pour into our marriage as much as we would like. In those times I pray that we are gentle with ourselves and each other, and just love each other through it. I like to think that we have pretty realistic expectations of the next year, we know it's going to be amazing and joyous and the hardest time of our lives sometimes but it will be worth it, and we will make it through stronger and more connected than ever before.

2. I would like to read at some point in the next year, Ideally the 12 books that my book club picks (I have already ready January's selection). I know this may not be possible but it's a goal, and I have read 47 books in 2014 so it's a very gentle goal I believe.

3. I want and need to be gentle with myself about how my body looks after this little bean comes out. Pregnancy is crazy and you grow so much in order to support your baby and I can't expect that weight to fall right off after. I also can't expect that I will have the time or energy to work out as much as I did before the wedding, and that's okay. My main focus will be keeping this babe happy and thriving, and if I happen to have time for a workout sometimes then that is amazing, if not, that's life and I will try again later. I also hope and pray that those around me are sensitive to this as well and don't make comments about my weight after this baby comes out (or before). I am not talking Mike, so don't think for a second that he wont be supportive loving through this, he will likely be the one telling me to pace myself and relax about the weight, also he seems to like when I am a little rounder and rejoiced the return of my booty in pregnancy (mental note to self, may have gotten to little before the wedding, hubs missed the bum, don't do that again). But anyone else, just don't do it, it's not your place to comment on anyones weight, especially after they have created a human.

4, Drink a ton of water, I hope to breast feed and my body will need this.

5. Go to the Zoo at least twice a month when the weather warms up, ideally I would like to go weekly like I did with Nana when I was little but I figure twice a month is a good goal. Mike and I decided to buy a membership with a guest pass with some Christmas money so I am determined to use it lots if we can.

6. I would love to see family as much as possible this year, this may mean learning to pull the trailer without Mike so I can go camping in Brooks with the parentals (really I am sure I can do it, or my dad can). We have a trip to Sask planned in July and I am hoping to get another something in sometime this year as well, perhaps a jaunt to Montana for fruity pebbles....or camping with Mike's side of the family. I also hope to make it into Calgary at least once a week so baby K can hang out with her Nana and Aunty. Hopefully people will come and visit us in Langdon too (it's 20 minutes from Calgary people...).

7. Still see my friends, although this is not only my responsibility, it's a joint one and I don't know that I will have the energy or ability to make sure this happens all the time, however I know that the ones who are meant to be here will, they will make the effort and I will jump in when I am able to and do the same.

8. Mike and I joined a small group through our church, I am hopeful that we can make it to most of those meetings and to church regularly. I am really excited that we have found such an amazing church family, that is young with lots of babes coming this year! This mean baby K will be able to grow up with a large and supportive church family, and we will as well. This means so much to me and I feel blessed to be a part of the neighborhood. I hope and pray that we can be good spiritual role models for our little ones :)

That's a more extensive list than I originally thought, I am sure I will come up with more as the day's, weeks, months and year progresses. I am so curious to see what this time next year looks like.

What are your resolutions or goals for 2015?
<3 Kass

35 weeks ramblings....

Merry Christmas and (almost) happy New Years! I hope you all had a lovely holiday, ours has been lovely so far, Mike has been home since the 23rd and has been working like a mad man on the basement. He wants to get framing done before babe comes as it's LOUD, and it really is, I agree with him, I have read a lot because it's to loud for T.V!

So far babe is looking amazing still, she sure is getting big! I can feel her in my whole belly now, and my lungs, pelvis, lower back...She has sleep and wake cycles and some days she is busier than others which I find so cute :)

Her little feet are usually on the right side of my belly, and if I lay my arms on my tummy she kicks me...this happens so often that it almost feels bruised from the inside...which is fun, but not as much fun as when she drops and wiggles her head in my pelvis and I get shooting pains in my groin and legs...Sigh. Despite all the pain and uncomfortableness I must say pregnancy is pretty cool, it's amazing to think that I am growing a tiny human inside me, and that in a little over a month we will be able to kiss and hold and cuddle and touch her. I don't think there is anything more powerful than this journey. It's amazing. I am definitely getting slower and more uncomfortable however, stairs are horrible, as is bending over, chores etc. I am still able to do a lot but I need to listen to my tired body and take a lot of breaks. I was even able to shave my legs today, take that almost 9 months pregnant body!!!

Today I decided that I was only going to get bigger so I took down the tree and Christmas decorations, Mike was a little shocked as normally they are up until February (My husband is a patient and loving man). I figured I could leave them up until after babe comes but with my luck we will get a terrible sleeper and I will be to drained to take them down until the summer. :)

I almost feel like my tummy isn't getting that much bigger, but I know when I go to work on Friday the girls there will be able to see the growth...but to me it's just so gradual and I am still semi-comfortable (give it time, I know).

I am still working on the curtains for the nursery, but once those are done and up I will be able to post some pictures of it. I really love how it has turned out, it's a beautiful, calm and pretty space and I loved dreaming it up and creating it with Mike :)

Vent time: At 35 weeks a baby is not full term, so telling a mama that she has "dropped" and will have the baby anytime will likely get you "dropped to the ground" (unless you are the person who actually has said this to me..who has been only gently scolded as she's cute and excited and I love her). The thought of this little one coming "any time" makes me panic, she's not ready. I know she would be fine, but her immune system and lungs and fat growth isn't yet complete so she needs to stay put and cook for at least 3-4 more weeks. So no-one say this to me please, it's not nice. And everyone else pray that she comes out when she is good and ready in 3-4 weeks...no sooner please baby K.

Hope y'all are good :)

<3 Kass

Ps: I have been informed that the groin pains and leg cramps are called "Lightening crotch" which sounds kind of snazzy and cool, except they hurt like H E double hockey sticks. So to all my peeps, if I gasp, and start side lunging while whimpering in pain it's okay, I just have some lightening crotch and will hopefully be okay shortly. Damn cute (but mean) baby and her head dipping into my pelvis. Lucky I love her so much already.

28 weeks aka, third trimester, aka almost there...

Can you believe we have 12 weeks left until our babes expected due date...12 weeks...that's insane. On one hand it seems like a long time, but really it's only 3 months, or 46 work days left (yay for time off at Christmas) or 10 weekends left...so it's not a lot of time at all.

The nursery is almost done, I need to just decide on a glider/ottoman combo and print and hang pictures (well Mike will hang the pictures because he's so good at it), make the mobile, and make curtains and the baby quilt....sigh, so it's like 50% done...will post pictures as soon as we are satisfied with it. 

Overall I am still feeling pretty good, I get little bursts of energy followed by activity and then I need to rest, my body just isn't capable of the go go go anymore; which is fine and understandable and necessary. Here is my list of annoying pregnancy things so far....it will be small as it's really not that bad for me yet. 

1. I am starting to get a bit of heartburn, it's not fun at all but it's not even everyday so this is a 1/2 complaint. 
2. Baby K has decided it's super fun to be all up in my ribs...when she is pressing it feels gross and weird, when she kicks I may occasionally swear, it hurts so bad! I figure it's my parents fault for being so short and thus making me so short..Its going to get so much worse too I know. 
3. Speaking of being short...there is no where for this little bug to go, so my belly is already taking over my lungs; I find I get short of breath faster lately so I need to be careful when working out and doing chores that I don't overdo it. 
4. Speaking of working out and doing chores...my workouts now consist of walking...slowly at an incline on the treadmill and then some weights, so not bad...I still miss lifting anything heavier than a 15 pound dumbbell though. Also, did you know that when cleaning the floors in our house one needs to take 2-3 breaks (our house isn't even that big)...Ya, me neither, but I did. To be fair I brought up two vacuums from downstairs (carpet and tile people!) vacuumed and wiped down the couches, vacuumed the carpet including the stairs and then did the rest of the floors..Mike gets to mop, I am over floors. I have decided to be smart and leave the vacuums upstairs in the closet so it's not so bad next time. 
5. My back and hips are starting to get pissy, back when I stand or sit to long, hips in the morning (I do have a pregnancy pillow that I love but I think I kick it out from between my legs when sleeping). I am hoping it's just an ongoing discomfort and doesn't get to bad...

Things that are still pretty cool about pregnancy. 

1. Feeling her move! She has started to kick my finger if she is awake and I poke my belly, so fun! 
2. Mike feeling her move, he thinks it's pretty cool.
3. I am still sleeping alright (yes I am knocking on wood). 
4. Eating is still good, I can't eat as much though which is a great thing ;). 
5. I can almost bend over..kind of...it's hard and I get out of breath though. 
6. I still feel so good after a workout; baby grooves after too. 
7. Mike talking about how excited he is to meet her, he's going to be an amazing daddy and I am pretty stoked that I get to raise her with him :) 
8. Monthly massages!!! So excited for Monday! 

I am sure there are more but I am sleepy right now! Will post nursery pics asap and maybe even a belly one. 

<3 Kass

Time is flying....Eek

Looking at calendars is starting to stress me out a little bit (a lot)! I know I have a long time to go, after all we are only just entering our 23rd week...however, when you look at how many weeks are left (I haven't counted, I would likely cry) and factor in what needs to get done, it's daunting. It's not the home stuff that's stressful, it's work. I want to do the very best for the families I serve and get them as far in the adoption process as I can before I am off. It makes me so sad that I won't be able to attend some of their adoption hearings... I know I will be cuddling my real live baby when they happen but it still shocks me when we are talking about next steps and I have to catch myself and say that the hearing will likely be after I am gone... I know that this bit will get easier the closer we get to the due date, and I will probably be exhausted and beyond ready to be off work long before January 29th comes...but right now it's scary and sad and overwhelming and I feel like I don't have enough work hours to work on what I want to get done! 

It's also daunting to look at the calendar and not know when babe will come, I mean, will she come early and knock my preggo butt out of work before the end of January? January is a three paycheck month and I REALLY want that last cheque...but will I be able to earn it...the not knowing is a little stressful for me, I am a planner and love budgeting and really want to have all credit cards paid off before this babe comes AND have a set amount of money in the bank. For now I am focused on the money in the bank and figure if I need to carry some credit debt into mat leave that's not the end of the world, I can make the minimum payment easily. It would not be ideal but I need to be okay with this in case it happens. I figure all this unknown is preparing me for life with an infant, I won't have control over anything and the best laid plans will likely fail...so here I am getting okay with that! 

As I type little bean is bouncing around in my belly, super active, which is so cool and unusual for this time of day, must be the apple juice :) 

Am I the only one who goes through this? I can't be....

<3 Kass

22 weeks! Musings and belly pic

Hey! So I am 22 weeks along this week and this belly is getting HUGE according to me, Mike still thinks it's little. I remind him that he doesn't have to roll over at night with it or try to bend straight down to touch his feet...cause when I do I CAN FEEL IT! It's kind of crazy, in a cool and creepy way, feels like a ball, that if I smoosh it it will pop, I can also feel her grooving around in there, which is amazing and odd...in an amazing way? :) 

We went to the South Calgary Health Campus for our first meeting with my OBGYN, (Dr. Zacharias) She is lovely, as is the hospital, and the staff..I feel like this will be a great experience. At the South Calgary Hospital (SCHC from now on) they even have a team of dietitians, OT's, psych, social work etc ON STAFF that we can meet with throughout the pregnancy (and after). I noted that I would like to chat with a dietitian (really I want to ask about tea, and if runny eggs are really that bad, cause I want runny eggs with toast...BAD). I expected to wait forever to hear from anyone, the lady called me a week later, and we booked a meeting already!!! I'm impressed and Mike was too!

I have kept up with my working out, have been twice this week actually, my legs hurt but it feels so good to move again. I usually end up biking (upright, I can't recombant bike anymore) and then doing some strength training. It takes about 45 minutes and I am tired and calling it quits, so less than normal but it feels good. Baby K is super active after, I think she likes when I move around and jiggle her...silly baby, just like her mama, loves to work out! 

Overall I am still feeling great, SUPER tired but I think that's cause I ran out of B vitamins...mental note to buy more...other than that I am liking the second trimester a lot! I am almost done refinishing the crib, and will go pick out paint soon too, carpet is being installed after thanksgiving and then we can decorate the nursery and move everything in. Mike will love this because there is baby stuff in the basement right now, and he wants to finish the basement asap. (in all fairness the dresser is huge and heavy, but the rest could be moved around his finishing work...but that's a pain). 

Here is a belly pic! I just love how pregnant I am looking, not just chubby thank you very much! Also, my arm muscles are coming back and legs too a little bit!! Hallelujah! I am getting over the shock of how much thicker I have gotten since getting pregnant, but I am delighted that I am working out again because I like being fit! 

Hope y'all are doing well! 
<3 Kass