Written May 19th 2014 (3 weeks and 5 days
pregnant apparently)
I am still having a hard time believing it, I am pregnant.
We literally started trying May 2nd 2014, after book club, I may
have been tipsy. I was shocked that Mike wanted to try so soon, I have always
said I would respect his wishes for awhile if he wanted to wait, he then
respected mine and we got to trying. Trying for a baby is F.U.N, like really
fun, and so different, it has an amazing loving purpose. I was using my “Glow”
app and it tells you when you are fertile, so we took full advantage of our
fertility.
Right away I noticed a few things, my hair is stupidly soft, like my
cat Lucy’s fur, amazingly soft, and its not falling out as much. I also got
nauseous cleaning the bathroom, which never happens AND dumping out wine (also
something that never happens). I told my friend Kristi about these things and
said I must want a baby so bad that I am subconsciously creating symptoms…I
couldn't have them already! Kristi said hormones were hormones, and to tell her
when I took a test.
So I waited, and then started worrying that when I took a
test and it was negative I would be so sad, and then I decided to start taking
tests way before my period when I knew it would be negative to desensitize
myself to the lack of a second line. So I did, Thursday it was negative, Friday
morning I took another….brought it to Mike and asked if I was crazy, he saw the
lines too so we decided to test again tomorrow, same thing Saturday, so Sunday
we decided to use the drugstore test (our friends gave us bulk tests that they
bought online that we had used before). I peed on the stick, and after three
minutes it had an x on it, I brought it to Mike and he just smiled, I praised
him for being so efficient and asked if he was surprised. Mike noted that he
always had faith in his sperm (Men). Then we went back to sleep, cause this was
at 5 am (Little Gizmo is an early riser, much to mommies dismay). I laid in bed
in joyous shock, infertility has always been a fear of mine, like cold sweats
kind of fear, so for it to happen so fast felt to me like God saying “relax
daughter, I have this”. I was so grateful that I am type A by nature and tend
to over plan everything. This mean that the second we had “trying sex” not a
drop of alcohol entered my system, caffeine was limited, pain killers were not
taken (I now take Tylenol for bad headaches that may turn into migraines),
pre-natal’s and omegas were taken and I tried to eat healthy (and failed
mostly, damn wedding candy bar leftovers).
I am trying not to be too crazy, but am honestly worried
that if I jog I will bounce Gizmo right out, Kristi and my pregnancy books tell
me I am wrong so I jogged. I have told a few friends, just so they can keep me
on track and make sure I don’t loose my mind.
Mike really wants to wait to tell the majority of people, I
agree, if something happens I don’t want to have to re-tell people. However I
am a horrible liar, a friend asked today if I was pregnant and I got a huge
grin and tried to look away, I am hopeless. Mike thinks I should just say that
we are “trying to have a baby” which is true except one is already growing, but
we may need to practice cause I still feel that’s a lie. I am hoping not many
people ask, I don’t want to make Mike crazy.
Dear Gizmo, I am so in love with you already. I find myself
touching my belly and praying for you many times a day! I pray that you stay
with me, that you keep growing and developing and that I get to meet you in
January/February next year. Your daddy is pretty smitten too, he’s planning to
put extra insulation above your room and lay carpet in your room so you will be
nice and warm! Love you little one.
<3 Mommy.
